Anxiety

It’s not entirely their fault, but buck-toothed people make me anxious.

This has always been the case for me but was never able to categorize such feelings enough to give them a name. That the category is in itself a time dependent disorder is another matter all together but I’ll get to that in a moment. First, I will put in order the basis for the anxiety.

I am not designating it as good or bad but I think faster than I need to most of the time. Recently, while watching a buck-toothed person try to force English through what I could only describe a fence row of teeth bent so far out of skew that it made me think of a chain link fence torn from its moorings by floodwaters, it occurred to me that I was developing somewhat of a tick.

It’s like when you see a car driving down the highway with the hood popped but not completely open because it’s held by that little safety latch that’s never in the same place when you go to look for it. I couldn’t help thinking that an errant gust of wind might flap through here, catch what I could only refer to as an airfoil sticking out of his face and rip the top of his head off. Now I would not mind this but require a bit of preparation for such a thing.

Then it occurred to me that, as anxiety is a time dependant disorder meaning that your mind is there while you’re here and trying to deal with a situation that hasn’t happened yet. I got stuck on the word time for a bit too long and went straight to the Lorentz Transformation as an extreme example of why I can’t understand the words being pressed out of the mouths of buck-toothed people the world over.

The Lorentz transformation deals with the phenomenon of light exhibiting the same velocity for observers moving at different velocities in respect to one another. Like a car, traveling one-hundred miles per hour by someone on the side of the road is only going fifty miles an hour to someone going fifty miles per hour if both think they are at rest.

So I thought the words coming out of a buck-toothed orifice would seem to be leaving point A (the mouth) at time P (real time). However the words actually left at point A1( the tip of the teeth) at P2(P+the time sound takes to travel distance between A and A1). The brain responsible for manipulating these things is sending words out with respect to me C( location way out side of A or A1) by mistaking that I’m listening. Now the difference between AP and A1P1 is such that it creates a different location slightly closer or further away from the buck toothed person where the garbled English makes sense. Were the words traveling at the speed of light I could understand them. However, if I cared what the words were all I would have to do would be to lunge toward or away from the origin. But I didn’t care what they were saying and didn’t understand them anyway. Hope it wasn’t important.